Are you there?
by Kerrie-chan
Summary: TeaMalik Waha! Tea suffers loneliness from Malik's absence and has her doubts about his true feelings.


**Are you there?**

By K-chan

AN: Song is 'Leap of Faith' by Michelle Branch… the pairing is Tea/Malik.. NO FLAMES! Thank you =)  This is the first fic in the series of unconnected Malik/Tea/Yami Malik fics I've titled Faith.  Expect more in the future ;)

I haven't seen the end of Battle City or the majority of it for that matter so I change some things that happen and such.  Fair warning =)

_One less call to answer_

_Feeling full of despair_

_Don't think I can get through it_

Just one last prayer 

I often wonder if he realizes how much I actually sacrifice to be with him.  I really do.  Does he understand how much it hurts keeping something as big as love a secret from my friends?  Especially Yugi.  It kills me to lie to him as I love him dearly, but he can't know… not yet.  Yugi may be understanding and forgiving, but I don't think he would be quite as understanding about falling in love with an enemy.  Which is precisely what I have done.

On one hand I'm really happy.  I've found the love of my life, even if he can be extremely one minded and selfish.  On the other hand I'm full of despair over all the people I hurt with my choice.  But despite that I don't regret falling for him.  In him I found the one thing I had been praying for my entire life.

Love.

Not even Yugi could give me the kind of love and attention I craved.  Sure he loved me… but only the _friend_ sort of love and I didn't need more friends.  To Yugi, Joey, Tristan, Ryou and Kaiba I am nothing more than 'good buddy Tea', the universal cheerleader and optimist of our little group.  None of them could see the loneliness that dwelled with in my soul, and that realization hurt.  My best friends couldn't even see behind the mask.

But he could.

_And it's a leap of faith_

_When you believe there's someone out there_

_It's a leap of faith_

_When you believe that someone cares_  __

He saw beyond my smile, straight into my soul and to the emptiness that resided there.  I'm not sure if he ever used his Millennium Item on me to see, but I don't think he did, as I don't think it has that power.  He is just perceptive to his surroundings.  Being a master manipulator demands that you be so.  Whatever caused him to look deep enough at me to discover my secret I'll never know, but from the beginning he took an interest in me, an interest that almost rivaled his interest in becoming pharaoh.  Of course he never let that on… the only reason I know is because my interest peaked as well.  He was an enigma, an ambiguous youth with jaded eyes and a haunted past.  From the first time I heard his voice speaking through someone else I wanted to know who he was and what made him tick.

In the beginning I felt so guilty that it made my physically ill.  I was –am- betraying my best friends, feeling things about Yugi's greatest enemy that I shouldn't have been feeling.  But that didn't stop me, and even now I feel horrible.  I never pictured myself as a traitor, but it seems it's turned out that way.  However there is nothing I can do now.  It's too late, it's done.  I've already fallen in love.

_And when I call out to you_

_Will you be right there?_

Right there 

But does he feel the same?  Sure, it's very easy to look into someone's soul, see they're lonely and take advantage of it.  Words are very pretty but can mean absolutely nothing, especially when coming from someone like him.  He is very proficient at lying, as all manipulators are.  He'll tell a person exactly what they want to hear, gaining their trust so he can use them to achieve his ultimate ends.  Sometimes he doesn't even bother and just uses his Millennium Rod to completely possess them.  Can I help wondering whether what he says is true?  All I have is faith to go on.  Faith that he truly loves me.  

Would he come if I called?  Save me if I was in trouble?  I sigh.  Now I feel guilty for doubting him.  Love is the ultimate faith, and if I love him I should have faith and believe in him.

But still…

As if sensing my doubts his voice rings through my head –an advantage of the rod-.  _"Your lack of faith disappoints me Tea, I have done nothing to fail you, why should you doubt me or my love?"_  He states flatly.

Great, now I've done it.  Malik's anger is not something anyone wants to deal with, least of all me.  I didn't _ask_ to doubt him.  This is why I often wonder if he understands how much I gave up to love him.  I doubt him because I barely see him.  It's painful to be away from the one you love.  And even if I doubt, there is no mistake that I love him dearly.

_"I understand far more than you think I do. Ooheboki.  Don't forget it."_

His final words ring through my head and warm my heart.  His callous manner of proclaiming love doesn't faze me, I am used to it.  All that matters is that he said it.  How did I understand it?  I asked Isis after the first time he said it.  She was of course puzzled as to where I heard the word.

_Searching for the answer_

_Nobody seems to care_

_Oh how I wish that_

_You were here beside me_

To wipe away my tears 

I've woken up in the middle of the night again.  Soft snores alert me to the fact that everyone is still sleeping.  Slipping out of my bed, I sigh.  

No one would even notice my absence.

It was something I am becoming increasingly accustomed to.  Joey is preoccupied with Mai, Tristan with Serenity, Kaiba with himself and Yugi with saving the world.  Ryou hasn't been seen in over a week.  His deranged yami has taken him over once more.  The guy doesn't know how to die!  Even when Malik's yami sent him back to the shadow realm he managed to get back.  Unbeknownst to Yugi he had fused part of his spirit with a piece of the Millennium Puzzle.

He is even more devious than Malik.

However, I have come to accept him as I do Ryou.  He is, after all, Malik's best friend and as creepy as it sounds I actually am coming to like him.  He's barely civil to me, but I can tell he's watching over me in Malik's absence.  Bakura isn't as evil as he likes to portray himself as.  

The thought of Malik makes me cry.  As soon as the blimp set down at the secret place where the finals would be held he disappeared.  No one knows why, not even me.  It seems like weeks since I last heard his voice in my head, when in reality its been only days.  I want so badly to think that he left me behind, that he would only be back to duel Yami in the finals then leave again.  But a word rings through my head as the tears spill down my cheeks.

Faith.

I must have faith in him, faith that he will return.  

My weakness sickens me.  In the short time I have known and loved him I have become totally dependant.  I live and breathe Malik and it scares me.  I've never needed _anyone_ before, why now?  

_Waiting for the answer_

_Remembering times we would share_

_Somehow I feel you here beside me_

Even though you're not there 

I lean over the blimps railing, allowing my arms to dangle towards the ground –Kaiba had parked the blimp to wait on Malik, even a jerk like him could understand the importance of the duel between Malik and Yugi-, my mind begins to drift.

The few memories I have of Malik and I alone are precious ones.  We have been alone so very few times, and when ever we're not alone we're enemies, even if it breaks my heart to ignore him.  He understands, however, that I'm not ready to tell our secret.  He's not pleased, but he understands.

I will admit I gave him the most precious gift I have.  My virginity.  That was on our fourth meeting, the second time being fully alone.  I'm not sure _why_ I let him have his way with me, but it could have something to do with that charm of his.  He can be incredibly charming when he wants to be, and as I have said before he can say all the right things.  One would think he would be quite demanding and selfish when it came to sex, but I was extremely surprised to find that he was actually very giving and extremely gentle.  

It started rough, but he felt my fear –it started with me not all together _willing_- and asked in a very surprised voice if I was a virgin.  I replied that of course I was and scowled at him, trying to push him off of me.

He laughed a throaty chuckle and leaned down to nuzzle his face into my hair.  He said he didn't know and that he had figured the pharaoh had already bedded me.

For some reason the comment irritated me and I asked in reply if that was the only reason he was going to 'rape' me.  The question stilled him and he sat back up straddling my hips, his violet eyes peering down into my own cerulean ones.  His face was an unreadable mask but his violet orbs reflected hurt.  "No," he replied, "what happens between us has nothing to do with the pharaoh."

His hand traced the edge of my jaw.  He leaned down once more and whispered in my ear, "I won't hurt you, once I start, if at anytime you say stop, I will stop.  You have my word."  I shivered as his lips brushed my earlobe and neck, pleasant sensations shot through me and I was no longer sure I wanted him to stop.  

Let's just say that I never _did_ get around to telling him to stop.  A smile creeps onto my lips.  Those moments spent with Malik were among the most pleasant moments I have ever experienced.  Sighing again, it's almost as if I can feel your fingers threading through my hair once more.  Almost as if you are actually here with me, but I know you're not, know that you can't be until this whole thing is over with.

_And I'll be waiting by the window _

_For your smile to come through_

_And I'll be waiting in the darkness _

_When I call out to you_

_And I'll remember when you told me _

_I could trust in you_

It seems like I've been waiting forever for you to return.  The others have _finally_ noticed that something's the matter.  It _only_ took two days of staring endlessly out of a window for them to catch on.  I don't blame them though they all have their own lives and worries to attend to.  I'm just as happy knowing they're happy.

A note arrived earlier today that said he would be arriving tomorrow and the duel for the pharaoh's powers would take place at noon on the dot.  I could kill him, however, because at the bottom of the he wrote, "PS.  Tell my Tea to wait for me."

Well that went over extremely _well_ with the others.  Immediately I was barraged with questions.  What was he talking about?  Was there something more going on between us?  Joey even had the nerve to accuse me of betraying them.  The fact that he was entirely is beside the point.  The fact that he was so quick to accuse me of betrayal hurt beyond words.  And at that moment I wished that Malik had taken me with him.  Believe me, when he gets back and we're alone he is going to have a _lot_ of explaining to do!  Surprisingly enough it was Bakura, disguised as Ryou, that came to my rescue, exclaiming that they had no reason to doubt me and that Malik was a mad man and just wrote that to frazzle everyone's nerves.  They all agreed, apologizing to me profusely. Am I really that untrustworthy?

Bakura soon caught my eye –it was at that moment that I realized that he was indeed Bakura and not Ryou- and motioned with his head for me to step outside.  I did what was 'asked' and he soon followed.  With out any ceremony he shoved a piece of paper into my hands and leaned up against the outside wall, watching me with deadly crimson eyes.  I don't care if he's Malik's friend, he still creeps me out sometimes.

Unfolding the note with shaking hands, my eyes widened when I saw what was written on the scrap of paper.

_Faith._

_It's a leap of faith_

_And I believe that you are out there_

_It's a leap of faith and I believe you truly care_

And when I call out to you I know you'll be right there 

It was at that moment that I realized that no matter what happened tomorrow, whether he wins or loses, that he would be there.  In that moment everything that is our relationship was summed up.  He is my leap of faith.  I took a chance on loving him and was rewarded when it proved successful.  He does truly care about me and I know that even if he loses to Yugi he will not leave me behind.  I belong to him now, he claimed me as his own when he took my virginity.  He may not admit it, but he belongs to me as well.  

That simple word holds all the meaning in the world to one's who understand.  Bakura knows, but chooses to say nothing.  He will protect me as Malik asked him until such time that Malik is able to return and protect me himself.  I have faith in him as well, though it is a different kind of faith.

Love is built on faith, I understand that now.  It was an idea that used to elude me, I never got it and it always caused heart break.  With out faith this world would be a dreary place.

And although I love Malik, I know in my heart that he must lose tomorrow, and I think buried deep inside his subconscious he knows it as well.  So when he loses tomorrow I will be there to pick him up and to remind him that he has the greatest powers in the world already at his fingertips, something the pharaoh doesn't.

Faith and Love.

Quick note before you review ;) : Ooheboki means 'I love you' in Arabic =)


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